Therapy for New Parents

I am here to offer the vital support needed for maternity and paternity mental health, as well as postpartum or prenatal depression.

I am an independent psychotherapist in private practice, and I am licensed to provide online psychotherapy to residents of New York State and the State of California.

Clarice Hassan, LCSW | New York, NY 10011| Mountain View, CA 94040

What are some challenges I have personally experienced as a new parent, despite being an experienced psychotherapist?

Despite my extensive training and expertise in academia regarding maternity or paternity mental health, I must acknowledge that my personal experience as a new parent challenged me in unexpected ways. This realization comes with utmost sincerity as I recount the time when I gave birth to my daughter, Scarlett. Despite feeling fully prepared, equipped with a robust support system, and being well-informed, the reality struck me profoundly. I found myself in a deeply dark, exhausted, and distressed place that I had not anticipated.

Perhaps you can relate to some of these experiences. I am grateful that I fully overcome these challenges eventually - and I hope that my personal experiences, as well as professional expertise can help you with some of yours, too.

Adjustment Difficulties

Well, let's begin with the most “cliche ones”: baby blues, postpartum depression (PPD), physical pain, sleep deprivation, you name it, I got them all. Navigating the demands of caring for a newborn, enduring multiple wake-ups during the night, and adapting to a disrupted routine had left me in a perpetual state of “darkness”.

Postpartum Anxiety

I was consumed by excessive worry over my baby's weight. Restlessness plagued me, and intrusive thoughts flooded my mind, convincing me that I would be incapable of handling this responsibility, that becoming a parent was a mistake, and that my life had been irreparably shattered.

Resurfaced, Unresolved Issues

Becoming a mother has rekindled past conflicts with my own mother, who holds strong beliefs about prioritizing a career over family (as her definition of feminism). In this journey, I've experienced a profound sense of “I have failed my mom by becoming a mom”.

Grief

Though some of these challenges turned out to be temporary, in the moment, I genuinely believed that I had permanently lost my health, sleep, lifestyle, ability to work efficiently, mental well-being, and freedom. I experienced profound sadness, sorrow, longing, and pain.

Identity Crisis

My lifestyle and career had undergone an overnight transformation. As a high-achieving professional, I found myself having to set aside the mounting emails and client inquiries to attend to a screaming baby. The contrast between my previous life and the new demands of motherhood left me feeling as though my world had shattered into countless fragments.

Guilt

Despite all these mentioned above, I simultaneously carried an overwhelming sense of guilt for feeling this way - The constant internal dialogue questioned my right to feel such emotions, “how dare you? Other people would have killed to be a parent! How dare you even feel this way?”

However, there are additional challenges that come with being a new parent which I was fortunate to avoid, but perhaps you are currently experiencing...

Prenatal Depression

“I am not ready - birth giving sounds so painful and I am not sure if I want this baby yet!” — Prenatal depression, also known as antenatal depression, is a form of depression that occurs during pregnancy. It is characterized by persistent feelings of sadness, anxiety, and despair that can significantly impact a pregnant woman's well-being. Prenatal depression may manifest through symptoms such as mood swings, changes in appetite, sleep disturbances, difficulty concentrating, and a loss of interest or pleasure in activities.

Paternity Depression

“I am the dad. Can’t I be angry too?” Also known as paternal postpartum depression or new dad depression, is a form of depression that affects fathers after the birth of a child. It shares similar symptoms with postpartum depression experienced by mothers, including feelings of sadness, irritability, loss of interest, changes in appetite or sleep patterns, and difficulty bonding with the baby. Paternal depression can impact a father's overall well-being, his ability to effectively support his partner, and his relationship with the child.

Birth Trauma

“People are congratulating me for my baby but all I know is that I wake up in the middle of the night screaming, from a nightmare about my failed epidural”. Mental trauma associated with birth refers to the psychological distress experienced by individuals as a result of a difficult or traumatic childbirth experience. It can occur due to various factors such as a complicated labor, emergency interventions, feelings of loss of control, perceived threat to the well-being of the mother or baby, or physical or emotional harm during childbirth. The trauma can manifest in symptoms like flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts, and avoidance of reminders of the birth.

Cross-Generational Challenges

“My mom came to New York all the way from China to help me. But she won’t allow me to turn on AC on a 80-degree day stating it’s bad for my health!” Cross-generational challenges for new parents refer to the difficulties and conflicts that can arise between different generations when it comes to parenting and child-rearing practices. Each generation may have their own set of beliefs, values, and expectations regarding parenting styles, discipline, cultural traditions, and the role of family members in raising children. These differences in perspectives can lead to tension, disagreements, and misunderstandings between new parents and their parents or older family members.

LGBTQ Parents

“I was rejected from entering my local Facebook mom’s playdate group, because I am a guy. But my husband is also a guy. Where the hell can we go?” While in the State of New York where I hold my practice, the law fully acknowledges LGBTQ population’s parental rights, LGBTQ parents are usually facing stress due to stigma, discrimination, and societal prejudice, and seeking support that are LGBTQ-affirmative can be still challenging. In addition, LGBTQ parents may face additional challenges related to parenting, such as addressing questions about their family structure or educating others about LGBTQ issues.

Conflicts Between Couples

“I know I shouldn’t, but I just wanted to yell at him and slap him when he was snorting and I had to get up to tend to my son.” The transition to parenthood can bring about significant changes and challenges to the relationship between partners. Some common mental health challenges that new parents may face in their relationship include:

1. Lack of quality time: The demands of caring for a newborn can lead to a significant reduction in quality time and attention for the couple. This can strain the relationship and lead to feelings of disconnect and neglect.

2. Sleep deprivation: The sleepless nights that often accompany caring for a newborn can impact both partners' mental health and well-being. Sleep deprivation can lead to irritability, mood swings, and decreased patience, which can negatively affect the couple's interactions and communication.

3. Adjusting roles and responsibilities: With the arrival of a baby, partners often need to redefine their roles and responsibilities within the household. Adjusting to new roles can cause stress, disagreements, and conflicts as partners navigate their individual expectations and needs.

4. Communication challenges: Effective communication becomes even more crucial during this time, but the stress and exhaustion can make it challenging for partners to express themselves and listen to each other attentively. Misunderstandings, frustrations, and conflicts can arise as a result.

5. Intimacy and sexual issues: The physical and emotional demands of parenting can impact the couple's intimacy and sexual relationship. Changes in body image, fatigue, and differences in desire or prioritization of intimacy can lead to feelings of disconnection and strain on the relationship.

Can new parents benefit from psychotherapy?

To this note, I would like to share two stories.

The first is my personal experience with postpartum depression (PPD) and how I found recovery. Alongside a strong support system and the passage of time, I found great benefit from psychotherapy - I had a safe space to let out my anger, a calm, neutral third party to listen to me and give me suggestions when needed, guidance and support.

The second story takes me back to my early days as an intern, where I worked with a young father who grappled with significant "anger issues." Reflecting on that experience, I now realize the depth of help I could have offered him had I possessed the knowledge I have today about paternal mental health. I could have provided him with normalization, coping strategies, and reassurance that these dark emotions are transient and manageable.

I will always cherish the wisdom I gained from a book I read, in which the author, herself battling PPD, learned from her Cantonese parents the concept of "kgnai." It taught her that life is filled with difficulties, and at times, we must endure them joylessly. While therapy cannot miraculously transform the early days of parenthood into a constant state of joy and relaxation, it can provide valuable reality testing and serve as a supportive foundation. Therapy equips you with additional skills, builds confidence, and helps keep you grounded during this transformative journey. In other words, therapy can make you stronger, and help you find peace.

And how does psychotherapy work exactly?

Emotional Support

I offer a non-judgmental environment where you can openly express your emotions, fears, and concerns. I provide empathy, validation, and understanding, even for those “taboo” feelings, such as your desire to NOT be a parent anymore, or your genuine resentment towards your baby — do you know, by the chance, these are extremely common feelings that up to 70% of the new parents may report at a certain point of their transition?

Coping Strategies Training

I can teach you effective coping strategies and techniques to manage stress, anxiety, and overwhelm. These skills will empower you to navigate difficult situations and maintain your well-being - and unlike parenting classes, this is highly individualized, we will find the strategies that work best for YOU.

Parent-Child Bonding

I can guide you in strengthening your bond with your baby. I offer guidance on attachment, communication, and creating a nurturing environment, fostering healthy relationships and positive parenting practices for you- sometimes we don’t necessarily start by talking about your baby, but we talk about you - how your personal history and unresolved issues have interfered with your ability to bond with your baby and find more enjoyment about parenthood.

Relationship Support

As discussed above, becoming parents profoundly impacts the dynamics of your relationship with your partner. I provide both individual and couples therapy for new parents, in which I provide a space for you and your loved ones to address conflicts, improve communication, and strengthen your connection during this life-changing transition.

Self-care and Well-Being

During our sessions, I will encourage self-care practices, helping you prioritize your own well-being. I can assist in setting boundaries, managing guilt, and finding a balance between parenting responsibilities and personal needs - your life is permanently changed, but that does not mean that you are losing yourself.

Adjustment and Identity

I can help you with these shifts, maintain a sense of self, and adjusting to the new identity as a parent.

Advocacy and Referrals for Additional Supports

Sometimes therapy alone may not be enough, and you may still feel alone in your struggles as a new parent. Additionally, if you belong to a minority group, accessing relevant resources and support can be particularly challenging. For example, finding LGBTQ-affirmative groups or accessing resources specifically designed for new dads might require extra effort.

I am here to assist you in locating these resources, whether they are local to your area or available through virtual platforms. My goal is to help you connect with the support and community you need, ensuring that you have access to resources that cater to your unique circumstances and experiences.

Hi there, I am Clarice.

I’m a licensed psychotherapist, a business owner, a high-achieving entrepreneur, and a mother.

You can find my professional photos elsewhere on my website, but what you see here is a picture of my firstborn daughter, Scarlett, when she was an infant.

She was not an easy sleeper. As a newborn, she would wake up every three hours, crying inconsolably. As a new mom, I felt frustrated and overwhelmed. I had envisioned being a "perfect" breastfeeding mom, but that didn't go as planned. It led to a lot of challenges and drove both of us crazy for a while. I also had moments where I realized I wasn't the perfect mom I had imagined. I had my first temper tantrum when I was exhausted, and she slipped from my fingers, rolling over and falling from the sofa. She experienced nipple confusion and eventually rejected breastfeeding in favor of a bottle.

Those were exhausting, frustrating, and confusing times. However, being with my daughter forced me to step out of my comfort zone and let go of my narcissism. I learned to truly see her needs, love her, and love myself for who we truly are.

Now, both of us are enjoying each other's presence to the fullest extent. I would love to help you achieve that same goal and experience the joy of deep connection with your child.

My Education and Credentials - About Therapy

Licensed Clinical Social Worker, New York State, License Number 090330

Post-graduate Clinical Fellow in Gestalt Associates for Psychotherapy, New York

Master’s in Social Work, New York University

Certified in Psychodynamic Psychotherapy with William Alanson White Institute

Trained in Trauma-Focused CBT (TF-CBT) for individuals with trauma symptoms

Ready to start out work? Begin by booking for a free 15-minute phone consultation.

Read more about my fee schedules & provider information here.